Thursday, February 12, 2015


How about you? What determines the right person you should marry? I know you have an answer which is of course right for you due to the fact that you believe in it but the consequences after marriage will prove whether your criteria are right or wrong. 

On my side when I was in primary school I had a criteria that the woman I am going to marry must be tall in height, thin, black-skinned and beautiful that is it, and I searched for such a women as I was adult just to discover that all the criteria couldn't make our relationship happier as I expected. How about you?

This scenario of mine made me to believe that there is a criteria I have skipped which is very important and that is what I want to share with you now for I believe this must be the universal principle which can work to anybody who is going to apply it.

Today I met a couple who were cruelly arguing on what determines different events in human life. A woman believes that everything which people faces is God’s plan hence if someone is killed while stealing, abusing drugs etc is God’s plan the same to if a person dies of normal diseases, car accident, eaten by lion in the park or taken by floods, so her conclusion was; a human being cannot control what should happen in his/her life when it is to happen, that is it. On the other side a husband believes that everything is the result of cause and effect, human beings causes a lot of things which happens in their life hence they can just control lots of them not to happen. He gave an example that a thief knows that he/she cannot be killed if she don’t steal so why stealing?  Any way this argument made this couple to stiff misunderstanding to the extent of not speaking to each other for a while.

What is your philosophy compared to a person you want to marry?

To me this is the principle number one to consider before you select a person to marry. Regardless his /her appearances look first whether you are sharing the paradigm and perspective of looking at things and defining life events. If you match, it will be easy to have constructive arguments in your future marriage and this should be happening as you are searching and observing your future wife or husband. Imagine you marry a person who believes that whenever you face financial challenge you are supposed to run to a church and pray 24 hours just to receive a miracle while you believe in working harder to accumulate finance. Now think of how you are going to discuss the solution of your challenge, you must end up in unresolved, stupid conflict.

Simply look for a person who defines life the way you define it, it might be challenging to get the person whom you share a philosophy 100% but if she/he is at least 95% he/she can easily be transformed in time before marriage. But if the transformation rejects completely, believe me you are going to lose a lasting happiness in your future in case you get married, a good thing is that there is a person whom you share philosophy out there, take time to observe and interact with him/ her before you propose for marriage.

I am not saying that...

Marring a person you are sharing the same philosophy in life will make you not conflicting or arguing, the point is, by sharing philosophy you will always have constructive arguments, you will easily resolve your conflicts in a constructive way and you will always end up your arguments with common understanding conclusion. This way happiness will last in your marriage and this is what you actually need.

You see now!

Beauty, appearance, money and other external factors are important but not the first things to consider and determine who you should marry. Work hard to discover the internal part of the man’s or woman’s mindset before going outside her/him.

I hope these few insights will help you a lot.

All the best!

Erick Chrispin

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