How about you? What determines the right person you should
marry? I know you have an answer which is of course right for you due to the
fact that you believe in it but the consequences after marriage will prove whether
your criteria are right or wrong.
On my side when I was in primary school I had
a criteria that the woman I am going to marry must be tall in height, thin,
black-skinned and beautiful that is it, and I searched for such a women as I was
adult just to discover that all the criteria couldn't make our relationship
happier as I expected. How about you?
This scenario of mine made me to believe that there is a
criteria I have skipped which is very important and that is what I want to
share with you now for I believe this must be the universal principle which can
work to anybody who is going to apply it.
Today I met a couple who were cruelly arguing on what
determines different events in human life. A woman believes that everything
which people faces is God’s plan hence if someone is killed while stealing,
abusing drugs etc is God’s plan the same to if a person dies of normal diseases,
car accident, eaten by lion in the park or taken by floods, so her conclusion
was; a human being cannot control what should happen in his/her life when it is
to happen, that is it. On the other side a husband believes that everything is the result of cause and effect, human beings causes a lot of things which happens
in their life hence they can just control lots of them not to happen. He gave
an example that a thief knows that he/she cannot be killed if she don’t steal
so why stealing? Any way this argument
made this couple to stiff misunderstanding to the extent of not speaking to each
other for a while.
What is your philosophy compared to a
person you want to marry?
To me this
is the principle number one to consider before you select a person to marry. Regardless
his /her appearances look first whether you are sharing the paradigm and perspective
of looking at things and defining life events. If you match, it will be easy to
have constructive arguments in your future marriage and this should be
happening as you are searching and observing your future wife or husband.
Imagine you marry a person who believes that whenever you face financial challenge
you are supposed to run to a church and pray 24 hours just to receive a miracle while
you believe in working harder to accumulate finance. Now think of how you are
going to discuss the solution of your challenge, you must end up in unresolved,
stupid conflict.
Simply look
for a person who defines life the way you define it, it might be challenging to get
the person whom you share a philosophy 100% but if she/he is at least 95% he/she can easily be transformed in time before marriage. But if the transformation
rejects completely, believe me you are going to lose a lasting happiness in
your future in case you get married, a good thing is that there is a person whom you share philosophy
out there, take time to observe and interact with him/ her before you propose
for marriage.
I am not saying that...
Marring a
person you are sharing the same philosophy in life will make you not
conflicting or arguing, the point is, by sharing philosophy you will always have
constructive arguments, you will easily resolve your conflicts in a constructive
way and you will always end up your arguments with common understanding conclusion. This way
happiness will last in your marriage and this is what you actually need.
You see now!
Beauty,
appearance, money and other external factors are important but not the first
things to consider and determine who you should marry. Work hard to discover
the internal part of the man’s or woman’s mindset before going outside her/him.
I hope these
few insights will help you a lot.
All the
best!
Erick
Chrispin
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