Monday, October 21, 2013
WHEN PARENTS FAIL TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THEIR CHILDREN WANT
Have you ever asked yourself a question why many parents keep on conflicting with their daughters and sons as those children grow up adults? When I decided to follow why by asking these children most of them told me that their parents forced them not to live a life they want instead what their parents want. I took my time to follow up parents and get their opinion on that, their response was that; their children think they know more than them while in reality they are the one who knows more as they are the one who brought those children in the world hence they can choose how their children should live.
Who is right between children and parents?
I kept on following up and discovered that many parents as they get a child they start dreaming and planning on how they want their child to look like in future which is good, for example you may find a parent says, “I want this child to be a world football superstar, a great musician in our country”, and most of them pick their own carrier from which they believe in and think of their children to be so in future, “I want my child to be a teacher like me, an accountant like me, a doctor like me, an engineer like me, a business man like me, marry a child from a rich family like mine, marry a child of my friend”, and so many visions and plans like these. The question to ask is that; although this is good but is it in alignment with their children personal traits and talents?
As blind babies, their children know nothing of what is planned unto them hence they find themselves living their parent’s programs as they grow. Becoming adults most of them at school they start discovering their inborn talents and start living them, some discover that they are dancers, footballers, painters, mathematicians, problem solvers in the society etc, if unfortunately these discoveries fall outside their parent’s plan is when conflicts start only if this child will start living his/her talent.
This is due to the fact that parents start feeling to be betrayed as they don’t realize their dreams upon this child as they planned before. The effects of this becomes bigger and bigger as these parents fail to accept that what they wanted is not necessarily be true to this child for being born by them doesn’t mean she or he is like them in terms of talents, abilities and choices of life. They become stressed and some of them who think less choose to believe that their daughter or son is bewitched not to respect his/her parents hence they may decide to jilt him or her and totally destroy his or her life trend.
A fearful child will keep on feeling guilty without letting her or his parents know what she/he exactly want in life hence will go to study unwanted carrier and fail to use it effectively and successfully at work, he/she will go to work a job not of his/her choice and looking sad, complaining in all his/her life, will marry a woman or man of not her/his choice and live without peace while cheating all his/her life.
In opposite a confident child will keep on positively confronting and demanding his/her parents to consider his/her good life choice and talents so that they can allow him/her to succeed in life. Most of parents who had those dreams never accept to change easily, this child will push and push until they desperately let him/her go and ultimately he/she succeed they come back and congratulate him/her. Those with wisdom will ask this child for forgiveness for how they challenged him/her for their conservativeness.
What should parents do?
As a parent your work since getting this baby should be learning and observing his/her inborn talents and likes so as you can direct him or her in the right way. Make a choice of life for your child and daughter basing on how you have learnt about their personal traits and behaviors, nurture that and not your personal selfish wants. As he or she is grown up consult him/her to know what he/ she think is a great life to live, share your constructive experience in where he/she want to side in life and not discourage plus coercively forcing him/her to live according to your interests, doing so will make both of you end up into conflict only if that child is confident and not fearful.
If you feel like your children are betraying you by not living your dreams know that you betrayed yourself at first as you became selfish by thinking that your child must be like you. Your child can look exactly like you by face but he/she is completely different and a unique person from you in terms of his/her personality and talents so it is not necessary he/she behave like you in everything.
What should children do?
Be aware that you are talented, wish to live what God has put in you that makes you unique, if you always feel guilty with what you are doing now or the way you live now choose to follow your talent and confront the systems which program you to live according to them and positively change your life from today. A good thing with people is that they will reject you as you decide but come back to you as you succeed so no need to fear and stop living your dream.
All the best
By. Erick Chrispin