Have you ever asked yourself a
question why many parents keep on conflicting with their daughters and sons as
those children grow up adults? When I decided to follow why by asking these
children most of them told me that their parents forced them not to live a life
they want instead what their parents want. I took my time to follow up parents
and get their opinion on that, their response was that; their children think
they know more than them while in reality they are the one who knows more as
they are the one who brought those children in the world hence they can choose
how their children should live.
Who is right between children and parents?
I kept on following up and discovered
that many parents as they get a child they start dreaming and planning on how
they want their child to look like in future which is good, for example you may
find a parent says, “I want this child to be a world football superstar, a
great musician in our country”, and most of them pick their own carrier from
which they believe in and think of their children to be so in future, “I want
my child to be a teacher like me, an accountant like me, a doctor like me, an
engineer like me, a business man like me, marry a child from a rich family like
mine, marry a child of my friend”, and so many visions and plans like these.
The question to ask is that; although this is good but is it in alignment with
their children personal traits and talents?
As blind babies, their children know
nothing of what is planned unto them hence they find themselves living their
parent’s programs as they grow. Becoming adults most of them at school they
start discovering their inborn talents and start living them, some discover
that they are dancers, footballers, painters, mathematicians, problem solvers
in the society etc, if unfortunately these discoveries fall outside their
parent’s plan is when conflicts start only if this child will start living
his/her talent.
Why?
This is due to the fact that parents
start feeling to be betrayed as they don’t realize their dreams upon this child
as they planned before. The effects of this becomes bigger and bigger as these
parents fail to accept that what they wanted is not necessarily be true to this
child for being born by them doesn’t mean she or he is like them in terms of
talents, abilities and choices of life. They become stressed and some of them
who think less choose to believe that their daughter or son is bewitched not to
respect his/her parents hence they may decide to jilt him or her and totally
destroy his or her life trend.
A fearful child will keep on feeling
guilty without letting her or his parents know what she/he exactly want in life
hence will go to study unwanted carrier and fail to use it effectively and
successfully at work, he/she will go to work a job not of his/her choice and
looking sad, complaining in all his/her life, will marry a woman or man of not
her/his choice and live without peace while cheating all his/her life.
In opposite a confident child will
keep on positively confronting and demanding his/her parents to consider
his/her good life choice and talents so that they can allow him/her to succeed
in life. Most of parents who had those dreams never accept to change easily,
this child will push and push until they desperately let him/her go and
ultimately he/she succeed they come back and congratulate him/her. Those with
wisdom will ask this child for forgiveness for how they challenged him/her for
their conservativeness.
What should parents do?
As a parent your work since getting
this baby should be learning and observing his/her inborn talents and likes so
as you can direct him or her in the right way. Make a choice of life for your
child and daughter basing on how you have learnt about their personal traits
and behaviors, nurture that and not your personal selfish wants. As he or she
is grown up consult him/her to know what he/ she think is a great life to live,
share your constructive experience in where he/she want to side in life and not
discourage plus coercively forcing him/her to live according to your interests,
doing so will make both of you end up into conflict only if that child is
confident and not fearful.
If you feel like your children are
betraying you by not living your dreams know that you betrayed yourself at
first as you became selfish by thinking that your child must be like you. Your
child can look exactly like you by face but he/she is completely different and
a unique person from you in terms of his/her personality and talents so it is
not necessary he/she behave like you in everything.
What should children do?
Be aware that you are talented, wish
to live what God has put in you that makes you unique, if you always feel
guilty with what you are doing now or the way you live now choose to follow
your talent and confront the systems which program you to live according to
them and positively change your life from today. A good thing with people is
that they will reject you as you decide but come back to you as you succeed so
no need to fear and stop living your dream.
All the best
By. Erick Chrispin
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